Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Jeb Bushbaby is a subspecies of Bushgeorgicus Americanae, or “little night monkeys” in Afrikaans, which can be found in Florida, Texas and occasionally as far north as Massachusetts. The typical Jeb Bushbaby migrates to a particularly cramped 3,000 sq. ft. lair in Kennebunkport during the summer months. Bushbabies have exceptional jumping abilities: into races, between positions, to conclusions and ‘the gun’.

Adult males maintain separate territories, which overlap with those of the female social groups, BushBarbarae Americanae. Males defer to the alpha female with surprising regularity.

Jeb Bushbabies learn largely by scent, communicating by marking their paths with urine. By following the scent of urine, they can land on exactly the same branch every time. This may explain their affinity for the unpleasantly malodorous Common Core. This may also explain more than one embarrassing press conference!

Affable and friendly, the Jeb Bushbaby is not unpleasant to have around, but the cumulative effect of their communication could gag a maggot.

Exotic Animals: Collect the whole set!
Chris Crizzlie
Joe Bydena
Donald Trumpetfish
Bernie Panders
Mike Huccameleon


  1. Once you've laid out all of the exotic animals of the 2016 campaign Proof, it'd be great to see some hypothetical cage matches. I'm wondering how this cute little fella with all sorts of money behind him, might fare against some of the other less malodorous political animals.

  2. I will probably run out of steam before I've laid out ALL the exotic animals of 2016. After all, there are already, what? 240 on the Republican side alone?? I still have at least one or two queued up for next week!
    Cage match sounds interesting though…


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