A Modest Proposal Regarding Antifa*

*with apologies to Jonathan Swift

We all know that the vicious hooligans who call themselves "Antifa", aside from having virtually no fashion style, or in all truth, no discernible intellectual ability, tend to dress in all black: black hoodie, mask, sunglasses, black slacks, black hearts...which makes it somewhat difficult to identify the perpetrator when one of these mindless cattle temporarily leaves the herd and attacks someone, typically, for no valid reason.

The similarity of dress enables their cowardly retreat from taking responsibility for their actions, allowing them to hide in the crowd. I'd like to suggest that the police add another tune to their repertoire of crowd control: the paint ball gun.

Designate one or more officers to scan the crowds for signs of trouble. If they see someone acting out and have a clear shot - mark them. Maybe use that indelible dye they put in dye packs to deter bank robbers?** Send out a spotter with them to make sure the intended target alone is hit and there is no collateral damage. This will help police positively identify the lawbreaker to be taken into custody. They could even change the color of dye with each engagement, in case Antifa were to add their own paint ball splatters to try to create confusion.

From personal experience, I can tell you that getting hit with a paintball can both be painful and leave a mark. But we know from the infamous "pepper ball" incident, that Antifa is willing to make the sacrifice to take one for the team if necessary.

We should let them.


**Perhaps even some dye pack "grenades"? Toss them into an unruly crowd and see how they like getting their trendy black hoodies and Yeezys dyed to a more tranquil, peaceful, hippie tie-dye motif?

Update: A commenter over at Watcher of Weasels suggested adding microscopic tags to the paint balls, to "make it less subject to confusion, and you wouldn't run out of codes nearly as quickly as you run out of colors." Great idea!

7 comments:

  1. In a similar vein, I just posted on my blog about renaming Labor Day - it's triggered me because of union violence and I think we need a safe-space name that doesn't celebrate organizations with a violent history.

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    Replies
    1. Ah, you precious little snow flake! Need a "safe space" to protect you from "Labor Day"?

      (I kid Dean because he's a good guy, and hardly a snowflake at all! Except for being Canadian!)

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