Logan: A Movie Review (Of sorts)

The Wolverine Retirement Home for Mutants

I will attempt to do this with as few spoilers as possible, but for those of you who expect some glimpse of nudity in your R rated movies, the only bit comes in a bit of a false start, where the movie seems to begin, but we see Ryan Reynolds in his Deadpool character, (FYI, he's not in the movie) press his or a butt-double's cheeks against the frosted glass of a phone booth for a funny trailer for his next movie.

The R rating is for language and violence. Lots of violence. The movie is set in the not too distant future. (Allowing, I suppose, room for one last Wolverine picture if the cash and box office of this one is enough to entice Hugh Jackman for one more go round, which apparently he said was his last) We see Logan, who  has retired from superheroing and derring-do, as the owner/operator of a limo service. Logan, who was born before the Civil War, has to be around 200 by now. They would have shown the cake with 200 candles, but even in the future, fire marshals won't allow that much open flame in a structure!

Logan isn't healing as fast as he used to. His beard is turning gray, he needs reading glasses and was coughing so much throughout the movie I wanted to give him a lozenge. He's taking care of Professor X, who, let's just say it's best for everyone if we keep the old guy sedated. Unfortunately, the kind of drugs the professor needs are not covered under Medicare  part B. Everyone tells the professor that when he's hearing voices, he's just "hearing voices", so no one believes him.

Turns out, he really has been communicating with a young girl mutant, threatened by an evil corporation making mutants to use as weapons. (When mutants are outlawed, only outlaws will have mutants!) The rest of the movie is the body count of taking this girl to some haven that may or may not exist, from whence they can flee to Canada. (I'm not sure if Trump is still president that far into the future, but if liberals see themselves as the good mutants, this may be their last best hope!)

Logan cusses a lot. If you are not a fan of, or don't like to hear foul language, then I'd say wait 'til they edit it for TV, where the language will be cleaned up and some of the more graphic violence removed. As you may know, I do not object to all violence in movies. Hacksaw Ridge one of my new favorite movies, is extremely violent, some of it graphic, in the depiction of showing the hell of war. I felt, however, as if a lot of the violence in Logan was gratuitous, and that we did not need to see how many different ways the Wolverine could stab someone through the head and see the blades come out the other side. Kudos, though, to the special effects guys!

Adult language is natural among adults. But, as I have stated elsewhere, if everything is worthy of an "f-bomb", then what do you say when you get really angry?? In my opinion, profanity was overused, particularly by one who could be considered a role model for the young.

Long portions of the movie tried to be philosophical, pondering the meaning of life, death and everything. Some parts were unbelievable, as we see Xavier sitting in his room at the hotel/casino watching Shane, when he could have been reading the minds of every player at the blackjack table and counting cards!

Don't get me wrong! It wasn't a terrible movie! There were some really nice touches in it. Logan coming to the defense of a beleaguered small farmer's water rights struck the right note, although it was literally short lived. Towards the end, you see one of the kids carrying a Wolverine action figure, in its blue and yellow Spandex, but they don't make a big deal of it. Just a nice touch.

The movie could have been subtitled "The Good Son". They posed as father and son to the farmer and his family, and it is a good metaphor for the movie. Logan treats Xavier as a father, putting him in a crappy home (an abandoned water tower) when he gets too old to care for himself. I kid. They're hiding from the authorities. Apparently Xavier caused some horrible tragedy years before and is a wanted man. Still, the tenderness with which Logan cares for the old man suggests a filial relationship and Xavier treats Logan as the son he never had.

Spoiler alert: The mutant little girl seems to be mute through the first half of the movie. Then we discover her real superpower: a high pitched, whiny, nasal voice that makes you want to kill yourself. Logan has a very high threshold for pain, but even he could only take it in small doses!

The plot, what little of it there was, seemed to wander. The acting was up to the task, although Jackman's vacillated between brooding and wincing in pain from being stabbed/shot/kicked/impaled by various objects. The special effects were good, in that they didn't call attention to themselves, but reinforced the storytelling. There was no profound message, IMHO, and no reason to want to see the movie a second time, (as opposed to say, Hacksaw, where my Blu-Ray just came in).

It's rated "R" for a reason. There were more beheadings than an ISIS family reunion. Some of the reviews I've read like it better than I did. But then, everyone likes their toast a different color. Just my POV. I predict no Academy awards, unless it is for something technical.

Two and a half stars out of five.

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