Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Joe Bydena, (Cassanovae Plagiaristmus), commonly known as a "laughing' hyena, is, in reality, more of a "laughed at" hyena. Although phylogenetically closer to weasels, Joe Bydenas are behaviorally and morphologically similar to canines in several aspects; in other words, the Joe Bydena frequently acts like a dog. Both hyenas and canines are non-arboreal, cursorial hunters that catch prey from behind, sometimes massaging the shoulders of unsuspecting prey.

Hyenas groom themselves often, and are considered quite vain. They defecate in the same manner as other Carnivora, though they never stand when urinating, as urination serves no territorial function for them. Instead, hyenas mark their territories using their anal glands. In the wild, the Bydena has been known to imitate the calls of other alpha males, particularly the Welshae Coalminerimus

Hyenas are used for food and medicinal purposes in some areas, including Muslim nations under the Shafiite school, where hyenas are considered halal because of their omnivorous diet. This practice dates back to the times of the Ancient Greeks and Romans, who believed that different parts of the hyena's body were effective means to ensure love and fertility. This differs somewhat from the Joe Bydena's opinion that ALL parts of the hyena's body were effective means to ensure love and fertility!

The Joe Bydena ideally sees itself as a pack animal, even leader of a pack, if it could only find a single pack that would accept it.

Exotic Animals: Collect the whole set!
Donald Trumpetfish
Bernie Panders
Hillarymadillo
Mike Huccameleon

Eating Our Own Is Okay Maybe?

By Dean L

Conservatives in America, I have a mea culpa for you. Being outside of America, I must confess that I've experienced a baffling inability to understand why any conservative Americans would have any level of reservation about squishy, RINO Republicans in the Congressional House or the Senate. That is, until now. Recent events here in Canada have opened my eyes to dissatisfaction with those supposedly on one's own side of the political line. I've chided those who would stay home and not vote for the likes of John McCain and Mitt Romney, despite the misgivings they had about them (and I shared, I must admit).

Let me first establish the reason for my original thinking on this. In Canada, having spent decades under federal Liberal leadership with exceedingly liberal policies often bordering on socialism, conservatives had been starving for a seat at the table let alone any sort of victory. Decades of being excluded a la Obama's "I won" and Republican exclusion from 2009 until recently, will allow you to forgive those less conservative than yourself, if they at least expressed some level of dissatisfaction with the status quo. While it was easy to identify with the goals and concerns of the disparate Tea Party movement in the U.S., understanding their tactics often escaped me.

Why bash those who want to move in your direction if only less so, or less rapidly than yourself? They are a potential ally against the greater threat of progressivism/socialism. Why try to replace Susan Collins or Olympia Snowe in Maine when someone more conservative could very likely not win there? Surely a broken wrist is better than chopping the wrist off entirely.

What I was questioning was the spirit of compromise from necessity rather than the desire to move the country back towards it's spiritual roots of true liberty. The movement, in my estimation would take time and require these compromises but on a declining basis over time. Conservatism could breed conservatism, just as progressivism had bred progressivism over time.

In any case, my fault was not I believe in my thinking, but in my ability to misunderstand the nature of the frustration of many American conservatives and their desire to overcome these hurdles.

Two events recently in Canada have opened my eyes to the frustration of conservatives in America. Conservatives here have recently made strategic or tactical errors that have led me to the same frustration. I'm not sure yet if it has led me to the point of wanting to "throw the bums out", but it certainly has given me pause for thought.

Firstly, the federal Conservative Party is facing an election this year. Coming of their third consecutive government, but first majority government (having led the country since 2006), they have undertaken a number of populist positions in order to aid their re-election bid. Many of these positions have been strategically sound politically, though not necessarily conservative in nature. One position in particular has irked me considerably. Recently they created a new tax break targeted specifically at families. On the surface it's seemingly a wholesome conservative position. The tax break applies to families with children under 18 living at home. But there are a large number of people for whom the tax break reminds me of the government choosing winners and losers. Sound familiar in America? In my case I do not qualify for it. Sour grapes on my part? Certainly there is an element of that, I will not deny. But the argument I make still holds true, since there a vast number of empty-nesters or families without children, or singles for of people for whom the tax break does not apply.

In my view this is not really a conservative tax break, it's a targeted political and/or social engineering driven tax break. It's the government either trying to engineer more families and/or trying to win votes by targeting a sizable, but not universal constituency. That notion aside, the government is choosing winners (tax break recipients) and losers (all others). That's not cool, and it's not conservative. It's no different than the progressive liberal notion of progressive tax rates - the more you make, the higher the rate you pay. That's inherently biased much like mandated racial quotas in hiring practices - different in nature, but similar in intent and desired outcome. Social engineering AND/or political gain. I do not expect conservatives to be above aiming for political gain. I do not expect them to use liberal tactics to achieve their aims. And I certainly do not want them causing, intended or not, social change based on policy decisions. Let the people decide for themselves. that's bigger than democracy, it's liberty.

Secondly, and more colloquially, the provincial conservative party in my home province of Ontario, having been out of power for the better part of the last 50 years, once again was facing a leadership race. My member of provincial parliament, the leading candidate, lost her bid to a younger candidate, a member of the federal parliament. He seemed to be a weaker choice, and for the third time in a row, they've picked a candidate who cannot win the provincial election (at least it appear to be the case so far). Are conservatives in Ontario comfortable being perceived as a party with no interest in women as leaders? Does the level of experience of the leader not matter?

Rant over. My point is that in Canada we have been starved for conservatism for so long (at least as conservatives we had been), it had been easy to get the low hanging fruit and please all conservatives because any movement towards the right by the government was good news to us. Now that has been done, and the Conservative party needs to maintain it's governing role, it can no longer please all of its constituency and some are going to be displeased. I am among them.

Now I am in more of a position to say to American conservatives to suck it up and vote Republican despite your individual misgivings because it is far better than the socialist alternative that dwells within the Democratic party. The irony is that I am less inclined to say it now. I still believe it's the truth, and I will still live by it. Despite having written the Prime Minister about this very concern and suggesting that I may not be able to support him and his party in the coming election (having supported conservative politics since before I could even vote), I will still do so. Having voiced my displeasure directly (and indirectly via my blog), I've said my piece. I'm a team player and I'll suck it up for now and support the conservative team. But make no mistake, I will do my part to see that these sort of decisions are made with a more conservative, yet strategic-thinking impetus in the future.

Are You a Debt Denier?

By Grant Davies

I'm coining a new term, "Debt Denier." It describes people who are certain that the climate is changing because people live on earth and that it will cause problems at some point in the distant future based on some computer models.

They are the same people who don't think that the national debt is a problem even though every computer program that can calculate (and even a pencil and paper) show that the country is headed for financial calamity if nothing is done about spending.

If you think man made climate change is a problem but man made fiscal insanity is not, you might be a Debt Denier.

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Mike Huccameleon, Rockandrollimus Wannabeae , is part of a distinctive and highly specialized clade of old world lizards. (Not to be confused with wizards, which the Huck's church might frown upon.) Mike Huccameleons are distinguished by their zygodactylous feet; their very long, highly modified, rapidly extrudable tongues; their swaying gait and their ability to play bass guitar in garage bands.

Like snakes, chameleons do not have an eardrum. However, chameleons are not deaf: they can detect sound frequencies in the range of 200–600 Hz. Like I said...bass.

Smaller arboreal chameleons (both smaller species and smaller individuals of the same species) have recently been found to have proportionately larger tongue apparatuses than their larger counterparts, making them good for stump speeches and as talk show hosts.

Huccameleons are found in warm habitats that range from Arkansas to Iowa. As with most chameleons, the Mike Huccameleon is able to blend into his surroundings. His fiscal conservative coloration can be quite effective at a distance. Up close is another matter.

The Mike Huccameleon is a good natured creature and make an excellent pets. Although they have been known for decisions that come back to bite them.

Exotic Animals: Collect the whole set!
Donald Trumpetfish
Bernie Panders
Hillarymadillo

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Donald Trumpetfish, Apprenticus Televismus, is widespread throughout the tropical waters of western Atlantic Ocean from Florida to Brazil including the Caribbean Sea and the Gulf of Mexico. It is found as far north as the cooler waters around Atlantic City.

The gills are pectinate, oddly enough resembling the teeth of a comb. Trumpetfish swim slowly, sneaking up on unsuspecting prey, or lying motionless, swaying back and forth with the wave action of the water. They are adept at camouflaging themselves and often swim in alignment with sharks, or other, larger fishes. They feed almost exclusively on smaller fish.

Although some Trumpetfish have been known to mate for life, the Donald Trumpetfish does not do well in captivity.

Exotic Animals of the 2016 Campaign

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The Bernie Panders (Socialismus fulgens), also called "Red" or lesser panda, not to be confused with the lesser pander, which is associated with the Clinton Foundation. The Bernie Panders is a small arboreal mammal native to Vermont.

The specific epithet fulgens is Latin for "shining", which may refer to the path taken by the reds. Panda is the French name for the Roman goddess of peace and travelers, whereas the Pander is more amenable to fellow travelers. The species is generally quiet except for some twittering, tweeting, and Facebook communication. It has been reported to be both nocturnal and crepuscular.

 Results of phylogenetic research and party affiliation indicate strong support for its taxonomic classification in its own family Progressivae, along with the weasel, raccoon and skunk families. Primarily the former and the latter.

The Bernie Panders is considered a living fossil and only distantly related to the giant pander (Stainedbluedressicus embarrasae).